Why I don't "date"
The purpose of this post is to explain my revelation and reasoning behind the decision I have made to not date; to shed light on the topic. I under no circumstances condemn or judge anyone who does date.
I am currently 21 years old and have not yet had a boyfriend or relationship or whatever you want to call it. They are all the same thing.
Growing up, the reasons I didn't date was because my parents forbade it and 99% of the guys that I liked just didn't like me back or even know that I existed. As I've gotten older and started making my own decisions, Jesus has taken me on a journey of purity - revealing to me why dating is not biblical and not necessary.
I've found that dating is such a broad term, it means different things to different people. As a Christian, I find guidance for life from the Bible. The Bible is clear that we should not engage sexual activity before marriage (Hebrews 13:4 - all verses are written out at the end), but what about all the things included in the dating status that don't include sex? What does the Bible say?
The Bible doesn't talk about dating at all in the Bible, because it simply didn't exist back then. The Bible talks a lot about and encourages marriage (1 Corinthians 7:9; Genesis 2:24 etc...). So how then, are we to get from single to married status? Is dating really the best way?
So in point form, here the main reasons why I don’t date:
-
I want to get married. Marriage is a covenant, a commitment; dating is not, it’s informal so to say. I don’t want to waste time, pain and energy on someone if I am not going to marry them. I believe that I will marry the first person I go into a relationship with, therefore I don’t believe in dating before then.
-
Emotional baggage. Dating is so dangerous, it can cause so much hurt and so many emotional scars. In the moment it’s amazing, but in the long run it is so damaging. Although I have not been in a relationship, I have walked with and supported so many friends who have been through bad relationships and break-ups. I have seen how dating breaks people on the inside and sometimes on the outside too.
-
It’s a waste of time. Dating someone takes up A LOT of your time. I would rather use my time to do so many other things that are not only going to make my life better, but also the lives of others. (Ephesians 5:15-16)
-
It doesn’t fill that hole. There have been many many times where I have longed to have someone in my life romantically, but like it or not, that person is not perfect and may only temporarily satisfy that longing, the emptiness. Jesus is the only one who fills that hole - in singleness and in marriage. (Jeremiah 31:25)
-
Conforming: Just because everyone does it, doesn't mean it's the best decision. As a Christian, a lot of what the Bible says is contradictory to what "society" says, not to make life miserable, but (in my experience) to make life better. (Romans 12:2)
-
I don’t have peace about it. I honestly know, out of relationship with Jesus, that not dating is something He would like me to strive for; for my own good. It’s like when child is about to stick its finger in a plug, you would tell it not to for its own good and safety. The choice is still mine at the end of the day, but I choose to trust the Lord and what he says. (1 Cor. 10:23)
There are many smaller, other reasons too, but these are the main ones. I know that God has a plan for my life (he has a plan for yours too - Jeremiah 29:11) and I honestly and truly want to live my life with and for Him. As I have walked a journey with Him over the years, I have realised and grasped my identity as a Christian. I realised that when we know our identity - that we are holy, chosen and royal (1 Peter 2:9), it’s easier to sacrifice temporary pleasures and habits, like dating. Our generation is the instant generation - we've adopted this mindset of living life for the moment, and so fail to realise that sacrifice and patience are beneficial for the future, for the long run.
My dad used to always say: "Short term pain, long term gain" - something our generation lacks. But, there is hope.
And so in closing, all I ask from you is that if you are not a Christian, you would consider Jesus; you would consider that he died so that we can be free (Acts 13:38 -39). There is no one with too many mistakes or sins. If you are a Christian, I ask that you would sit with Jesus and examine your heart on the topic of dating. What I have shared is only the tip of the iceberg; there is so much more, but Jesus wants you to seek Him, to seek answers (Jeremiah 29:13).
If you have any questions, queries or testimonies, please feel free to contact me: absinnes@gmail.com
Bible verses ()
Hebrews 13:4: Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
1 Corinthians 7:9: But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion
Genesis 2:24 : That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh
Ephesians 5:15-16: Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Jeremiah 31:25: For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.
Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
1 Cor. 10:23: You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.
Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope
1 Peter 2:9: But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
Acts 13:38 -39: Therefore let it be known to you, brethren, that through this Man is preached to you the forgiveness of sins; and by Him everyone who believes is justified from all things from which you could not be justified by the law of Moses.
Jeremiah 29:13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
I want to get married. Marriage is a covenant, a commitment; dating is not, it’s informal so to say. I don’t want to waste time, pain and energy on someone if I am not going to marry them. I believe that I will marry the first person I go into a relationship with, therefore I don’t believe in dating before then.
Emotional baggage. Dating is so dangerous, it can cause so much hurt and so many emotional scars. In the moment it’s amazing, but in the long run it is so damaging. Although I have not been in a relationship, I have walked with and supported so many friends who have been through bad relationships and break-ups. I have seen how dating breaks people on the inside and sometimes on the outside too.
It’s a waste of time. Dating someone takes up A LOT of your time. I would rather use my time to do so many other things that are not only going to make my life better, but also the lives of others. (Ephesians 5:15-16)
It doesn’t fill that hole. There have been many many times where I have longed to have someone in my life romantically, but like it or not, that person is not perfect and may only temporarily satisfy that longing, the emptiness. Jesus is the only one who fills that hole - in singleness and in marriage. (Jeremiah 31:25)
Conforming: Just because everyone does it, doesn't mean it's the best decision. As a Christian, a lot of what the Bible says is contradictory to what "society" says, not to make life miserable, but (in my experience) to make life better. (Romans 12:2)
I don’t have peace about it. I honestly know, out of relationship with Jesus, that not dating is something He would like me to strive for; for my own good. It’s like when child is about to stick its finger in a plug, you would tell it not to for its own good and safety. The choice is still mine at the end of the day, but I choose to trust the Lord and what he says. (1 Cor. 10:23)
Comments
Post a Comment